Married to my Pen

Samples of my books and poetry.

Archive for heaven

Time Trinkles But I Don’t Wrinkle

As you get older do you decide that you want to live longer, get scared. I can only imagine that thoughts in your head, when people around you loose hope that you will survive. No one really close to me has died, I have been blessed with just that. I mean I lost my dog that I had since a child, both and the hurt really bad. Thinking about losing my current dog, that I raised, and love so much–well just thinking about losing her makes me sad. Makes me wonder why I even got her, but then again if I didn’t who would have. Where would she be? No when it comes to people, I haven’t lost anyone in my immediate family, and just looking at my grandmother…imagining her not being there. It hurt so much, to know she’s in pain and there is really nothing I can do about that. I know that she wants to live, she wants to be here. And I don’t want her to live, frightened she’ll never wake up. I love you Grandma, and I will tell you everyday I can. I will hold you with me everyday–even long after you pass. I just don’t want you/her to go now. Not now, not ever. There’s so much I want you to see me do, so much I want to accomplish so you can see. What am I supposed to do? I can’t help but cry just thinking about it. I don’t want to get old, my sister said once “I can’t imagine not existing”, well I can’t either. I can’t imagine not being in the world. I can’t imagine not being. I wish there was a better way to die, a better way for people to age and move on, and a guarantee that we would be reborn.

Here’s a poem I wrote about it, when I was not able to sleep because of fear I wouldn’t wake up. Does anyone else get scared like that?

What Will Happen To Us?

thinking of what will happen when our eyes will close for the last time,
will we just disappear or come back reborn.
I close my eyes trying to remember my birth,
how i felt when i was first brought into this world,
eyes open for the first times, hand moved,
everyone else around remembers that,
holding me…watching me grow.
…still no memories resurrect.

open my eyes, sir show me there’s more.
tell me that this won’t be the only thing i leave behind,
tell me when i finally decide to close my eyes,
I won’t just see the endless darkness.
tell me ill dream, be born again.

i don’t want to age just to disappear.
i don’t want to sit, and lose sleep wondering what will happen when im gone.
So much death around…i don’t want to imagine life without living.

i don’t want to imagine…life without my mother or father…sister or brother..
grandmother. i don’t want to think where did all those people go,
and did they ever return?….

what will happen to us?
when the breathe is taken, and it is us that is making that final walk.

will we disappear, or will we come back reborn to right our wrongs, and save the world as someone else.

please, help me, believe this journey doesn’t end…it doesn’t end

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