Married to my Pen

Samples of my books and poetry.

Someone, help!

I would like to be published before old age!

Literary agent,  editor…where are you? I need you?

I will bring you great fortune… invest in me!

Please?

Time Trinkles But I Don’t Wrinkle

As you get older do you decide that you want to live longer, get scared. I can only imagine that thoughts in your head, when people around you loose hope that you will survive. No one really close to me has died, I have been blessed with just that. I mean I lost my dog that I had since a child, both and the hurt really bad. Thinking about losing my current dog, that I raised, and love so much–well just thinking about losing her makes me sad. Makes me wonder why I even got her, but then again if I didn’t who would have. Where would she be? No when it comes to people, I haven’t lost anyone in my immediate family, and just looking at my grandmother…imagining her not being there. It hurt so much, to know she’s in pain and there is really nothing I can do about that. I know that she wants to live, she wants to be here. And I don’t want her to live, frightened she’ll never wake up. I love you Grandma, and I will tell you everyday I can. I will hold you with me everyday–even long after you pass. I just don’t want you/her to go now. Not now, not ever. There’s so much I want you to see me do, so much I want to accomplish so you can see. What am I supposed to do? I can’t help but cry just thinking about it. I don’t want to get old, my sister said once “I can’t imagine not existing”, well I can’t either. I can’t imagine not being in the world. I can’t imagine not being. I wish there was a better way to die, a better way for people to age and move on, and a guarantee that we would be reborn.

Here’s a poem I wrote about it, when I was not able to sleep because of fear I wouldn’t wake up. Does anyone else get scared like that?

What Will Happen To Us?

thinking of what will happen when our eyes will close for the last time,
will we just disappear or come back reborn.
I close my eyes trying to remember my birth,
how i felt when i was first brought into this world,
eyes open for the first times, hand moved,
everyone else around remembers that,
holding me…watching me grow.
…still no memories resurrect.

open my eyes, sir show me there’s more.
tell me that this won’t be the only thing i leave behind,
tell me when i finally decide to close my eyes,
I won’t just see the endless darkness.
tell me ill dream, be born again.

i don’t want to age just to disappear.
i don’t want to sit, and lose sleep wondering what will happen when im gone.
So much death around…i don’t want to imagine life without living.

i don’t want to imagine…life without my mother or father…sister or brother..
grandmother. i don’t want to think where did all those people go,
and did they ever return?….

what will happen to us?
when the breathe is taken, and it is us that is making that final walk.

will we disappear, or will we come back reborn to right our wrongs, and save the world as someone else.

please, help me, believe this journey doesn’t end…it doesn’t end

Good Friend

…..So irresistible. I sit n lie in bed dreaming of our encounter.

Here is the present got for you! I say
Omg..really. I love it, I forgot yours. You laugh.
Well there are other things you can do. I bite my lip get closer, and give u my cheek. I say seductovely, A kiss.
You smile and perform the task. I laugh innocently. Walk away from u when u grab my hand and pull me back.
That wasn’t what u really wanted is it…did u want more? You asked. I twirled my fingers in your hand, looking at it making connections.
I always want more…always. Whether its just your time or mor than friendship, I want your love.

everywhere

ts like u pop up in the random of situations the corner of alleys. I search for u even when im lost myself. I try to find ur voice in music, your picture in movies. I compare u to true love and cry when its over cause I feel its never enough. With this glitch I inherited I feel like ill never find just u…only pieces.

Hello World.

Day one,
I always think you should start everyone off with things that are generic–everyone can relate.
So: I have a really bad spelling problem. Okay, it might not be as bad as some, but usually if I’m texting or typing i get so wrapped up in the message that i forget to check my spelling.

Second: Commas, I really don’t know how to use them properly. I don’t know how many classes I have taken to correct my grammar; only because i talk so fast so it’s hard to untransalte that one great thought and make it organized. Lol, but I’m working on it.

Third: I’m a giver. You know those people you can always count on to just give up anything for someone, that’s me. Giving money, giving my all, and usually even the ones I love and expect to give me stuff back don’t. Why, cause even when you expect the most from people, they always find a way to take it from you–with nothing in return.

FOurth: Aside from writing, music is my life. You know how you read the whole book, and then you think back and you get that sense of accomplishment. As you’re reading whomevers life story, you understand people are out there feeling just like you. Well music is an instant gratifacation for me. I open my heart and ears, cry while i listen. So much emotion is put in to some of them, and the rhythm it just all mixes–and makes me feel great.

Fifth: I just finished three novels, starting my life on working to get them published, contemplating–Self or agent. These books seem great. I think they’ll do great.

Sixth: I’m still reading Wicked Lovely. Looking forward to Shadowland by Alyson Noel =) Great booK series!!, and Angels of Ressurection is also another novel people should pick up!! LOve my collection.

Last but not least: I love me dog. We’re working together right now (she’s sniffing out possibilities, and I’m pumping out what i would present to a potential investor) the magazine I want to create thinking up names, and articles I can put in it. Hopefully why can be finsihed with a sampler, and test it out on some of my fellow magazine addicts. What’s special about this, is I want to make it an eco-friendly online magazine. Available all around the world =)

A tree at a time.
Well later, I’ll give you guys a poem.
Something you can try to decipher, and tell me if you like.

the last song..

and its the last song.
to leave you with a happy ending
Just like you always wanted it.

You thought you be better off..
techincally your still hooked but.
I’ll give you the easy drug,
The one you can let go of.
Dont try to play pretend..
We’re no more than friends

and its the last
to leave you witha happy ending
just like you always wanted
The smile upon pretty face
The softness of your perfect skin

Oh.. did you say porcelin?
Or did you need insolin>…
The ease of slow drug,
Just so it will fill you up.
My love isnt everything.
It was just all the world.
You can just walk away.
BUt never come back AGAIN!

and this is the last song
to leave you with a happy ending.
One like you always wanted.
The one that you thought you needed.
Did it on my birthday,
Couldn’t wait–it was the perfect day.
Turned me like atomic bomb.
dropped me like a barett.

did you always think it happend
fall into a little trap an
what you though would be fantastic
turnend into an empty tragic
didnt know it could just happend
sorry i left you second guessing
trust me here and i wont perish
cause you know that im the GREATESt.
they say beautiful ..is so pure.
how could you even imagine.
let me die alone in peace…
take me back to paradise….

and this last song
to leave you with a happy ending
the one that you always wanted..
the one that you thought you needed.

=)

and its another one?

I think i should explain this song…its called Permission to Love Me

It has the perfect melody…and its basically a girl talking to a guy. Thinking maybe if she explains how muchs she will give up for him, he will promise to do the same…and just love her…..which is all a girl wants sometimes…is a guy to just stop second guessing himself, and being so insecure…and just love. Its not that horrible of a thing…the world has been experiencing it for years…leap head first…so you can learn…what it means. And no matter what..i cant stress this enough…even when the one you love swear up and down they dont love you…and dont want to be with you..i swear if they loved you once..somewhere in their hearts they always will. And this song..is reminding people that..and giving the man permissions to surpass the girls boundaries.

You have complete permission to do whatever you want
You have my deepest wishes to love me more and more.
As long as I surrender to you and withdraw
I want your only promise to take care of my heart.

Will you love me, even when I don’t want you
Will you hold me, even when I feel real blue
Promise to never leave me, cold in the dark
Don’t forget to always be there when I’m alone.

You have complete permission to stand by my side
You have my greatest desire to show the world your mine
As long as I dedicate my entire time to you
You have to always promise me youll be true
Yes them other girls might try to steal you
But you must always remember this,
Take me now, or leave me for good
`

Baby im giving permission to love me.. oh
Im giving you permission to want me…baby do you.
I’m giving you everything you need, always and I promise ill be true to you…always and forever….ever…
Always and forever….
Baby im giving you, my heart.

So baby will you love me. Even when I don’t want you
Will you hold me even when I feel real blue
Promise to never leave m,