Married to my Pen

Someone, help!

jamilamosi — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 04:25:28 +0000

I would like to be published before old age!

Literary agent, editor…where are you? I need you?

I will bring you great fortune… invest in me!

Please?

Time Trinkles But I Don’t Wrinkle

jamilamosi — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 09:49:55 +0000

As you get older do you decide that you want to live longer, get scared. I can only imagine that thoughts in your head, when people around you loose hope that you will survive. No one really close to me has died, I have been blessed with just that. I mean I lost my dog that I had since a child, both and the hurt really bad. Thinking about losing my current dog, that I raised, and love so much–well just thinking about losing her makes me sad. Makes me wonder why I even got her, but then again if I didn’t who would have. Where would she be? No when it comes to people, I haven’t lost anyone in my immediate family, and just looking at my grandmother…imagining her not being there. It hurt so much, to know she’s in pain and there is really nothing I can do about that. I know that she wants to live, she wants to be here. And I don’t want her to live, frightened she’ll never wake up. I love you Grandma, and I will tell you everyday I can. I will hold you with me everyday–even long after you pass. I just don’t want you/her to go now. Not now, not ever. There’s so much I want you to see me do, so much I want to accomplish so you can see. What am I supposed to do? I can’t help but cry just thinking about it. I don’t want to get old, my sister said once “I can’t imagine not existing”, well I can’t either. I can’t imagine not being in the world. I can’t imagine not being. I wish there was a better way to die, a better way for people to age and move on, and a guarantee that we would be reborn.

Here’s a poem I wrote about it, when I was not able to sleep because of fear I wouldn’t wake up. Does anyone else get scared like that?

What Will Happen To Us?

thinking of what will happen when our eyes will close for the last time,
will we just disappear or come back reborn.
I close my eyes trying to remember my birth,
how i felt when i was first brought into this world,
eyes open for the first times, hand moved,
everyone else around remembers that,
holding me…watching me grow.
…still no memories resurrect.

open my eyes, sir show me there’s more.
tell me that this won’t be the only thing i leave behind,
tell me when i finally decide to close my eyes,
I won’t just see the endless darkness.
tell me ill dream, be born again.

i don’t want to age just to disappear.
i don’t want to sit, and lose sleep wondering what will happen when im gone.
So much death around…i don’t want to imagine life without living.

i don’t want to imagine…life without my mother or father…sister or brother..
grandmother. i don’t want to think where did all those people go,
and did they ever return?….

what will happen to us?
when the breathe is taken, and it is us that is making that final walk.

will we disappear, or will we come back reborn to right our wrongs, and save the world as someone else.

please, help me, believe this journey doesn’t end…it doesn’t end

Good Friend

jamilamosi — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:56:17 +0000

…..So irresistible. I sit n lie in bed dreaming of our encounter.

Here is the present got for you! I say
Omg..really. I love it, I forgot yours. You laugh.
Well there are other things you can do. I bite my lip get closer, and give u my cheek. I say seductovely, A kiss.
You smile and perform the task. I laugh innocently. Walk away from u when u grab my hand and pull me back.
That wasn’t what u really wanted is it…did u want more? You asked. I twirled my fingers in your hand, looking at it making connections.
I always want more…always. Whether its just your time or mor than friendship, I want your love.

everywhere

jamilamosi — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:55:21 +0000

ts like u pop up in the random of situations the corner of alleys. I search for u even when im lost myself. I try to find ur voice in music, your picture in movies. I compare u to true love and cry when its over cause I feel its never enough. With this glitch I inherited I feel like ill never find just u…only pieces.

Hello World.

jamilamosi — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:09:48 +0000

Day one,
I always think you should start everyone off with things that are generic–everyone can relate.
So: I have a really bad spelling problem. Okay, it might not be as bad as some, but usually if I’m texting or typing i get so wrapped up in the message that i forget to check my spelling.

Second: Commas, I really don’t know how to use them properly. I don’t know how many classes I have taken to correct my grammar; only because i talk so fast so it’s hard to untransalte that one great thought and make it organized. Lol, but I’m working on it.

Third: I’m a giver. You know those people you can always count on to just give up anything for someone, that’s me. Giving money, giving my all, and usually even the ones I love and expect to give me stuff back don’t. Why, cause even when you expect the most from people, they always find a way to take it from you–with nothing in return.

FOurth: Aside from writing, music is my life. You know how you read the whole book, and then you think back and you get that sense of accomplishment. As you’re reading whomevers life story, you understand people are out there feeling just like you. Well music is an instant gratifacation for me. I open my heart and ears, cry while i listen. So much emotion is put in to some of them, and the rhythm it just all mixes–and makes me feel great.

Fifth: I just finished three novels, starting my life on working to get them published, contemplating–Self or agent. These books seem great. I think they’ll do great.

Sixth: I’m still reading Wicked Lovely. Looking forward to Shadowland by Alyson Noel =) Great booK series!!, and Angels of Ressurection is also another novel people should pick up!! LOve my collection.

Last but not least: I love me dog. We’re working together right now (she’s sniffing out possibilities, and I’m pumping out what i would present to a potential investor) the magazine I want to create thinking up names, and articles I can put in it. Hopefully why can be finsihed with a sampler, and test it out on some of my fellow magazine addicts. What’s special about this, is I want to make it an eco-friendly online magazine. Available all around the world =)

A tree at a time.
Well later, I’ll give you guys a poem.
Something you can try to decipher, and tell me if you like.

the last song..

jamilamosi — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:41:00 +0000

and its the last song.
to leave you with a happy ending
Just like you always wanted it.

You thought you be better off..
techincally your still hooked but.
I’ll give you the easy drug,
The one you can let go of.
Dont try to play pretend..
We’re no more than friends

and its the last
to leave you witha happy ending
just like you always wanted
The smile upon pretty face
The softness of your perfect skin

Oh.. did you say porcelin?
Or did you need insolin>…
The ease of slow drug,
Just so it will fill you up.
My love isnt everything.
It was just all the world.
You can just walk away.
BUt never come back AGAIN!

and this is the last song
to leave you with a happy ending.
One like you always wanted.
The one that you thought you needed.
Did it on my birthday,
Couldn’t wait–it was the perfect day.
Turned me like atomic bomb.
dropped me like a barett.

did you always think it happend
fall into a little trap an
what you though would be fantastic
turnend into an empty tragic
didnt know it could just happend
sorry i left you second guessing
trust me here and i wont perish
cause you know that im the GREATESt.
they say beautiful ..is so pure.
how could you even imagine.
let me die alone in peace…
take me back to paradise….

and this last song
to leave you with a happy ending
the one that you always wanted..
the one that you thought you needed.

and its another one?

jamilamosi — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:28:00 +0000

I think i should explain this song…its called Permission to Love Me

It has the perfect melody…and its basically a girl talking to a guy. Thinking maybe if she explains how muchs she will give up for him, he will promise to do the same…and just love her…..which is all a girl wants sometimes…is a guy to just stop second guessing himself, and being so insecure…and just love. Its not that horrible of a thing…the world has been experiencing it for years…leap head first…so you can learn…what it means. And no matter what..i cant stress this enough…even when the one you love swear up and down they dont love you…and dont want to be with you..i swear if they loved you once..somewhere in their hearts they always will. And this song..is reminding people that..and giving the man permissions to surpass the girls boundaries.

You have complete permission to do whatever you want
You have my deepest wishes to love me more and more.
As long as I surrender to you and withdraw
I want your only promise to take care of my heart.

Will you love me, even when I don’t want you
Will you hold me, even when I feel real blue
Promise to never leave me, cold in the dark
Don’t forget to always be there when I’m alone.

You have complete permission to stand by my side
You have my greatest desire to show the world your mine
As long as I dedicate my entire time to you
You have to always promise me youll be true
Yes them other girls might try to steal you
But you must always remember this,
Take me now, or leave me for good
`

Baby im giving permission to love me.. oh
Im giving you permission to want me…baby do you.
I’m giving you everything you need, always and I promise ill be true to you…always and forever….ever…
Always and forever….
Baby im giving you, my heart.

So baby will you love me. Even when I don’t want you
Will you hold me even when I feel real blue
Promise to never leave m,

just another sad love song…

jamilamosi — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:24:00 +0000

I sit here watching our favorite movie
Wondering what do you do…
I sit here falling for every moment
Thinking baby it was you,
Why did you think that this was ok?
That you could play this way?
Well if it’s game that you wanted?
Baby, you win?

You win the war, you win my heart You win the only thing matters,
Oh this world is all I have you,
And you need to be in it,
Do need to die to feel alive
Because I thought I only needed you,
Well here it is, I lay on table,
It’s your turn, play your cards..

i need a new melody to this song..its become part two of different song cause the melodies are teh same but they are two completly different songs…swear/…. i also couldnt come up with a good second verse…because i couldn’t get my melody down…dont worry. That is not the only song i wrote…lOL!..

i should be a songwritter for some singers out there…tell me their problems ill right them a hook and a GREAT first verse and ending…and i can hook them up with some backgroung vocals…maybe i should find some singers who are seeking song writters….or something for the demo…or some demo singers…looking to help writers sell their songs… hMM!!

Do you know what that means?

jamilamosi — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:49:00 +0000

Why in Twilight, every damn book does Bella have to seem so helpless…like is love really everything. Is it really worth the tears…and their is a lot of tears. True love cries, I mean not just one–but like hundreds. If you don’t cry–becuase you lost it–or hurt while your in it than how do you distiguish the real love from fake love. Sometimes i think peopel take things for granted…I already talked about how they did in friends ships…but with love they do. Maybe i should take a blog or two to define the two different kinds of loves I had in my life. One love was die hard…meaning i fell so hard that i was in a hole so deep, I’m not sure i got out of it, i just know that i learned how to live in it. While another, was simple in it’s own ways, I loved him, he had a girlfriend, he broke up with his girl…i dated him..and just like that i was over that three year of loving him. Loved him better when he had a girlfriend!! Funny, but life lesson thing. Die hard love was rough…i mean he hurt me so bad, that i wish i would have just like…moved far away or went to love rehab. Do they have that!?! I can kind of relate to Bella…it’s hard to let someone go that you have already told your brain you would devote your whole life too…but then again..shiiit!!! You gotta do it..riight..you gotta pick yourself up and go back at there…because some really old person laying in their grave said “it’s worth it?”…and the question everyone asks is…is it? Is it really worth it…is having a broken heart worth it….well as i shed my final tears…still missing that something everyone seems to be able to find…except me…(well im exagrattin–spelling it wrong too–) i shouldn’t say their final..because they creep on me sometimes…when i least expect it. Just like people…you thought you could have fallen for..a little more than you should have…and then when you finally fall asleep you get this sense of relief…because maybe it was meant to be there. You get hurt, so when you finally don’t it means that more…. and you stick with it. So I’m going to stick with it…..or let it find me..and stick to me.

heres the song i wrote…when i thought about him & her (theyre still together..and im still hurt by it…i HATe VANESSAs…she broke the previous first rule!! Knowing damn well my ex was defintely off any list of people my friends can date without my knowlede..but one day. I’ll be ok with that…riiight.. FUCKEN BITCH…maybe not)

Listen to Broken-Hearted Girl by Beyonce.

Title: Do You Know What That Means?

So you think I’m crazy
For askin what her name is,
You think I’m insane
Because I’m full of insecurity
Well listen to me heart
While it still flutters around you
Will you let that slip away?
Will you let doubt grab you?

Oh pull too close
I’m letting go
You hope that my eyes will dry with time,
But you’re more than phase,
Baby you amaze me, and you wanna go
I can’t let her take you, away

I open my heat,
I take your name,
Won’t you douse me,
Drench your pain I’m willing to stay
I love you, do you know what means?

So she’s more than a girl more
than someone who captured the moment
More than a friend, but less than me
You’re trying to change
Say life will go on without you
IS that true?
Will there be a me without you?!
I can’t imagine, I couldn’t wish
Baby you locked me, with the first kiss,
And she’s worth it,
So you’re willing to leave Oh NO

Pulling away,
Letting it go
I hate her name, and I won’t leave without you
You’re the love I need for life,
Baby you’re everything and you’re going to leave me
I can’t let you go, I won’t let you go.
I’ll do anything, oh please.

I open my heart
I take your name
Won’t you douse me?
Drench in your pain, I’m willing to stay,
I love you; do you know what that means?

Do you know what that means?

Push Push Push, like a lion to his cub.
You took took took, more than you thought you could hold
With love at stake, don’t look away I’m here, I wont let go.
She might kiss you with her tender lips,
But I will love you with a mighty force,
See these arms they hug,
She these eyes they weep,
Just like a new day I will restore your faith.
I will not command, I will not transcend.
This is not a fairytale, but baby I will win.
Can’t you feel my heart?
It only beats like this,
When life completes it,
And I’m completely taken in.
I love you, and no one can love the same.

I open my heart
I take your name
Won’t you douse me?
Drench in your pain, I’m willing to stay,
I love you; do you know what that means?